NEW HOME!

It's official!  We own our Forever Home!!!

Last Night

You know it was good when you wake up hoarse from the screaming.

Breaking

Frustration overload
Another stone
Another weight
Another creaking
    spinal break
A fractured back
A fractured life
A breaking mother, daughter, wife

-Laura Brumback, January 2012

Doubt

... To sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream...
For  in that sleep of death
What dreams may come...

-William Shakespeare, Hamlet


What dreams, indeed
Or only the cold dark?
Nothingness
Non-existence
    (Without end?)
One moment here,
Then *blink* and gone
No more, no more
Nevermore

-Laura Brumback, January 2012

Nevergreen

Born out of time
And out of mind
Treading madly
Strangling, blind

Helpless, hopeless,
Useless, lost,
Fumbling, Bumbling,
Storm-wracked, tossed

Reaching, frantic,
Clutching, drowning,
No one else can
See Death crowning

Invisible,
Alone, unseen,
She drowns in seas
Of Nevergreen


 -Laura Brumback, January 2012

Home Sweet Home!!!

THE FINAL HURDLE IS CLEARED!  The house will be ours!  We Close on Monday, and we will be the proud owners of our Forever Home.  I want to dance!  I want to sing!  Oh dear God, I have to PACK!

TenseTenseTENSE & Frustrated!

I am not going to let this fall through now, not over a $1500 repair!

The sellers have already lost $10k in repairs for us, & part of that is them paying $3k of our closing costs! They won't make a penny off the sale of the house. They have done all they can to make this house the home we need it to be, even sacrificed their own profit. Our Realtor has even sacrificed a large portion of her own profit to help repair the basement wall.

They've done this not because they just want to sell the house, but because they want us to have this home! They care about this, they care about us, they want this to happen for us.

The only point of contention is this last repair, to dry out the crawlspace. The house has stood just fine since 1950 with a damp crawlspace, but I'll agree with my husband that it would be better dry. We can have that done satisfactorily for $1500, but we've bled the seller dry. I think we can manage $1500. I know we could save that much before the crawlspace became a problem.

However, the ball is in Husband's court now, his decision. I'm just praying for God's Perfect Will. Not my will, Lord, but thine.

Building Excitement!

Just one more week until we can Close on our new home! I'm beginning to feel like a bottle of soda pop that's being shaken, building up pressure inside. I have so many plans for our new home, so many changes I want to make with this fresh start!

Cinematic Geek-sation!

My Mom +Sherry Massey , thinks I'm going to rot my children's (+Marty Brumback & +Ellie Brumback ) brains, all because I give them a varied cinematic education. This weekend we watched The Evil Brain from Outer Space (1965), Young Frankenstein (1974), Flash Gordon (1980), & Octaman (1971).

Some weekends are Godzilla-thons, some black & white, some B-movies (obviously), some classics, some Sci-Fi- &/or Fantasy-fests. We have a list of special films that we feel helped make us the geeks we are today, & we try to incorporate those movies into our kids' lives as well. Ellie & Marty both love Indiana Jones movies & will happily watch all of them back to back. They also both love Jurassic Park. I think Labyrinth weirded Ellie out, but Marty loved it, same with Neverending Story.

What are your fave baby-geek-making movies?

#evilbrainfromouterspace #youngfrankenstein #flashgordon #octaman #indianajones #jurassicpark #labyrinth #neverendingstory #geek

Best Conversation Yet!

Best conversation yet with +Ellie Brumback! I got her out of the tub and:
E: I'm getting cold.
Me: You were playing with cold water.
E: I want some cookies.
Me: You had cookies already.
E: There were two bags.
Me: Smart girl!
E: Two bags! Two bags! (Repeated all through the house while laughing)

Baby Has a Cold, Mommy Feels Worse

+Marty Brumback woke up this morning with sniffles and coughing. He was one miserable man-cub, and I would have loved to keep him home from school because I knew he felt lousy. Last week, however, I had to have a Parent Conference with the Vice Principal of his school because, over the course of the year, Marty has missed 17 days. Granted, that would have been more like eight or nine days if they didn't have the policy that a kid can't return to school unless it has been more than 24 hours since they last threw up or had a fever, which I pointed out, but they have threatened not to let him come back next year if he misses any more (we had to apply to send him to a different school district than the one our house is in, I didn't want my sweet, innocent little lamb in a mega-school).

In fact, despite Marty earning a "Character Counts" shirt and excelling in his academics, the school sent a report to the school district's central office to say he was "not in good standing" because of his absences! THEY SEND HIM HOME!

He got choked in lunch one day and threw up. They sent him home. He wasn't sick - he got choked. I'm okay with that. I sent him to school the next morning - he wasn't sick, not in the least - and they sent him home! He was sick, missed a day, felt fine and dandy the next day. I sent him to school. The school nurse called him down and asked if he'd had a fever the day before - asked the then five-year-old - who said he wasn't sure. They sent him home! He felt fine, he hadn't, in fact, had a fever, but they sent him home.

I told the Vice Principal I would just lie from now on and send him when I felt he was feeling better, regardless of his fever or throwing up status the day before. The VP did not like that answer, but what else can I do? He's a kid, he's in school for the first time, he's going to get sick. He's going to have 24-hour bugs that are gone after one day of misery. He bounces back quickly (not much can keep that kid down).

But this morning, he was miserable, and I wanted to keep him home. I feel awful about sending him to school with just a dose of cold medicine. I feel like a monster for not telling the school to shove it and keeping him home, but I really want him to be able to go back next year. It's a good school and a good environment, better than anything our district has to offer.

So, I guess I have to be "Tough Mommy" instead of "Good Mommy," and we all have to make sacrifices. Poor man-cub. Bad Mommy.

WARNING! Whining, moaning, & general self-pity ahead

When I was a kid, even into college, I didn't really feel like a Lonely Only because I had my seven awesome cousins (both sides). Now, though, it's obvious that I am very much a singleton. Maternal side, there are 17 great-grandkids & three on the way. NOT ONE came to Marty's birthday despite all being invited. Three of my cousins are currently pregnant, but ONLY ONE told me. I found out about the other two third-hand, & they're the pair I feel closest to (Mom's side). Now I've found out that another got married two months ago! I didn't even know! I don't even know his new wife's name. I'm an Only, & all I have now, as an adult, is me. At least I get to see my closest paternal cousin almost daily! I didn't even get "happy birthday" texts this year. I feel abandoned. I feel forgotten. I feel alone. I am a Lonely Only after all. When Geoff & I are gone, Ellie & Marty will only have each other. I have no siblings to grow old & laugh with, no one else to share my burdens & memories. I thought my cousins would be there, but it's obvious they won't. They forgot me. I always thought our kids would grow up close, but they don't even know each other - or me. I try not to care, but the whole babies & wedding thing has really, really hurt me. It's just so obvious now that I don't even matter to the people I loved most.

Destroyer of Dreams

I shall call you the Destroyer of Dreams, the Crusher of Souls, the Eater of Hearts.

How can you be so malicious & hateful? How can you carry that poison in your soul & live? How can you be so cruel as to inject that venom into those fools who love you?

You claim to know love. I have been a fool for many years. You are thoughtless. Selfish. Childish. Petty. You are a small person, & that has nothing to do with your stature. You are nasty, vicious, & lacking in empathy.

I find you distasteful. I am ashamed to be associated with your viler nature.

You lie. You generate lies out of others' words by twisting them & dressing them in your own temper, which generally does not fit your victim.

Birds & Bees

Help help help!!! Marty asked me how babies got made! I told him about eggs & sperm, and he said BUT HOW DOES THE MAN GET HIS SPERM IN THERE?

I said, "um, that's called sex."

"Sex?"

"The man-woman thing, like on TV when I cover your eyes, um..."

"Ohh, I know! The love makes a portal & transports it!"

I said, "kind of, that's why sex is called making love."

"Right! Cause only love can make a baby!"

At 6 years old?! I thought I dodged this bullet already with the whole "someday I'll show Ashlyn my privates" thing!

Joys of GT

Dear God, please remind me that +Marty Brumback is Gifted, & therefore I should not introduce anything new to him unless I want to discuss it IN DETAIL. (Listening to "Les Miserables" led to a discussion of the time period, the French Revolution, the living conditions, the feudal system, economics, & how money is backed by real goods [gold] - I finally retreated to the bathroom!)

Funny, Funny Boy

+Marty Brumback has been watching Egyptian documentaries since 10am (seven hours so far). The one on now is "Ramses: Wrath of God, or Man?" He's been watching for almost an hour, praising the Biblical recitation of events & Moses' life. The narrator (Morgan Freeman) said something like "But did it really happen as the Bible says?" Marty yelled at the TV about the accuracy of the Bible & asked me to turn the show off since "they don't know what they're talking about in this one."