A Monday

It was definitely a Monday, all day. It seemed like everything I touched today fell apart, and at work I was definitely engaging in "Reality Check Therapy" (which is, honestly, the method I am best known for, but I was really "on one" [as my bad boys would say] today). Yes, today was a day when "pull your head out of your a##" was one of my therapeutic terms. In fact I did actually tell one of my "special projects" that he would get a lot further in life if he would quit being such a pr##k. He turned his chair over he was so shocked! It worked, though. At least today.

I was so grateful to get home today! I was ready for an easy night with my babies. God laughs.

I was in the kitchen making dinner when I heard a thunk and plastic rustling. I ran to the livingroom & discovered that Ellie had dumped the little trash can in there and was playing with the now empty bag. By the way, it's trash night, so the container was full. Was. One butt smack and a lot of scolding and I had the mess cleaned up.

After dinner Marty says "Mommy, what's wrong with your computer?" So I go to the computer room to figure this out. A few minutes later I smelled something rotten in the state of Ellie's pants.

In the dining room I encounter an empty diaper.

In the livingroom, laying on the couch with one leg hooked over the back and the other dangling off, spread wide in all her naked glory, a pedo's dream, is my butt-nekkid daughter. On the foyer is a pile of crap so large it seems impossible that it came from a human's body, let alone an eight-year-old. I clean it up.

Marty, who loves fruit, discovers the melon cups in the fridge, which he knows I got for him as a treat. He helps himself to the fruit. Shortly thereafter I hear "uh-oh," the clatter of keys, the bathroom door, and pee. Marty comes out, shuts and locks the door, then says "oops."

"Oops what?"

"I forgot I didn't need to pee, well I did need to pee apparently because I just peed, but that's not why I went to the bathroom. I dropped a piece of melon and I was going to rinse it off but I just locked it in the bathroom. Silly me!" He unlocks the door and goes back in. Seconds later he calls out, "I can't find it!"

Okay, this is a small bathroom. Exasperated, I go to help look. THERE IS NO MELON! He said he sat it down to pee, but there is NO MELON! I looked everywhere! Phantom melon.

It's quarter of 11pm and they're both still awake. Lord help me!

ADDENDUM
No sooner than I published the note, Ellie pulled her diaper to the side and peed all over her bed. Gallons. I'm sure of it. I just finished changing the bed and calming the cracking up and excited Marty. It is now 11pm, and they are still awake.