Precious Love

Ah, God, I'm crying. Ellie just made direct eye contact with me & said, with her whole heart in her voice, "I love you."

Cannon Family Christmas 2011

Great night with our beautiful family! It was so wonderful to see everybody, especially our out-of-staters. Marty ran himself crazy with his cousins, and Ellie enjoyed her family time. I'm so proud of how well she did! She really did enjoy herself, and so did we grown-ups.

Marty's Future Plans

Marty has his future all planned out: "I'll make sure I go to the same college as Ashlyn & then I'll marry her. Our relationship will last forever, & when we go to Heaven together I'll still love her!" You know, my Grammy & Poppy went to Kindergarten together...

My Son

My son gives me hope for the future of humanity. If he becomes the man whom he shows the promise of, there would never be a prouder mother, or a more lucky world.

Welcome to the Republican Party, Son

Marty and I were having a discussion on the electoral process.


Marty: but we have to support the president, right?
Me: Not if he does something we think is wrong. I don't like our current president much myself.
Marty: Why not?
Me: he wants to take the money Mommy and Daddy work for and give it to people who don't work.
Marty: But that's just WRONG! That's like stealing!

M: Welcome to the Republican Party, son.

Dino Girl

Ellie likes dinosaurs! Who knew? She chose a stegosaurus toy at the museum, watched Jurassic Park tonight, and when asked about Christmas presents said ''dinosaurs".

Marty's Crush

The cute crush continues: Marty told me he wanted to trade school pics with Ashlynn "so I can carry her with me always."

Daddy's Boy

Marty just informed me that "of adults in this house, (his) favorite would be Daddy". Owch.

Playing TOGETHER!

My kids are playing TOGETHER! :-D They're chasing each other through the house and scaring each other and cracking up! THIS IS SO AWESOME!

Marty's Girl Friend

Oh dear God, Marty has "a girl who's my friend but isn't my 'girlfriend'... YET."

Something Broke?

Marty, in the bath: "Mommy! I think my water just broke!"
Me: "I really don't think so."
Marty: "But pee just came out of me so something broke!"

Ellie Repellent

I've discovered Ellie-repellent: screaming frog videos on YouTube. Frog squealed, her eyes went BIG and she was history!

Conversation With Ellie

I had a whole conversation with my daughter!

I was petting our pet dragon on my phone and he made a happy-purry sound.

Ellie: "Elephant."
Me: "You think he sounds like an elephant?"
Ellie: "A little."
Me: "Maybe a baby elephant."
Ellie: "Yeah."

Then, while taking out stitches and re-bandaging, Ellie said, "It hurts, Mommy!"

It's funny, when Ellie and I have these extremely rare, brief conversations, just a couple of exchanges, I have to stay calm, quiet, and converse naturally as if this was an everyday occurrence. If I show any excitement or offer praise she clams up again.

Ellie Broken

The doctor broke my baby! Ellie can't walk! The cast was replaced by a walking boot today, which she can clunk around in. Barefoot, though, SHE CAN'T WALK! Ah, God, I've been in tears. She can't walk, and I can't carry her. She weighs 89 lbs and is roughly 4.5 feet tall. I can't even pick her up because I'm restricted to 15 lbs from my own surgery. I'm sick to my stomach because I can't fix it!

Ellie is 9!

Ellie seemed to have a good birthday. Nine years old! I can hardly believe it. Her fave presents were the ones Marty picked out. Smart little brother!

Marty is Accepted!

It's official! Marty has been accepted to a very rural elementary school in a better district!

Kindergarten Readiness

Marty had his Kindergarten Readiness Assessment today! The evaluator informed me that he is "Gifted, I can identify several budding talents easily." Yay!

Peace & the End of the World

I have realized exactly where I want to be at the end of the world.  When the asteroid is coming and there's nowhere left to run, when the Earth's core is super-heated and there's nothing anyone could do, when the absolute end of everything is here and it is inevitable that we will all die, I want to be holding my kids. I want Marty in my right arm and Ellie in my left with her nose buried in my neck.

When she does that, when she plugs into her safe spot (the place where the left side of my neck joins my shoulder), she melts against me and is as soft as DQ ice cream. In that place with her, everything is still. In that place, there is absolute peace. In that place, that endless moment, nothing else matters, nothing can touch us.

When the end of everything comes, I want to be in that place with my children. We won't notice or care when it all goes away.

Field Museum

So I'm in Chicago with the kids - just me and them, alone.  I took them to the Field Museum and we had a blast!  And I didn't even lose them!

Lord, I Love This Child!

Dear God, thank you for this precious child! I live for her affection. I delight in her laughter. The feel of her, soft in my arms, erases any trials the day may have carried. The sweet scent of her skin revives me. I love her with all that I am. My daughter.

Family Movie Night: Sky Captain & the World of Tomorrow

As you can tell by the title, tonight's flick was "Sky Captain & the World of Tomorrow". A little steampunk, a lot retro-futurism, a touch of Victorian Adventure, and dirigibles = totally awesome viewing!

Marty had the attention span of a gnat. It might be because he watched "Return of the Jedi" earlier and was movied-out, or because he got bored in the "talking parts." He would get down and play, then come back to the couch when it got exciting again.

Ellie made it through the previews before she ran off the first time. She was in and out a lot, sat down and ate popcorn, and sat down to eat pizza with us when it arrived. The coolest part was when the movie caught her attetion. She had gotten up to leave when the tv made an elephant sound. She stopped in her tracks, turned around, and went to the tv. She was fascinated with the miniature elephant and watched until the chacters left the lab. Pretty cool!

And I got to snuggle my man :) We cuddled on the couch. We haven't done that in ages! This is a benefit I hadn't thought of when we planned Family Movie Night, but it's an awsome addition! I'm really loving this.

New Words!

Ellie had new words and actions today!

In a quiet moment, holding her in my arms, I said, "You have Mommy all to yourself right now, don't you," and she said softly, "All mine." You could have knocked me over with a feather!

At bedtime I changed her diaper and headed for the trash can outside. While I was unlocking the door she "sneaked" (giggling like a madwoman and so excited by her own planned mischief that she could barely walk) up behind me and grabbed me! I of course "jumped" and squealed appropriately. She laughed so hard she doubled over and sat on the floor!

During this adventure Marty had chugged his milk and wanted a refill. I tucked Ellie back in bed and went to the kitchen. As I came back out, who should I find but Ellie, lurking around the corner! She SHOUTED "Scared you!" and ran back to her room!

Also, several times this evening when I called her name she responded with, "Here I am!"

I gave in to the wound-up children and we had a massive three-way tickle fight in Ellie's bed, ending when we were all limp and panting. Then we snuggled, and both kids gave each other mutual night-night love! Ellie actually wanted love from Brother!

What an awesome night!

A Monday

It was definitely a Monday, all day. It seemed like everything I touched today fell apart, and at work I was definitely engaging in "Reality Check Therapy" (which is, honestly, the method I am best known for, but I was really "on one" [as my bad boys would say] today). Yes, today was a day when "pull your head out of your a##" was one of my therapeutic terms. In fact I did actually tell one of my "special projects" that he would get a lot further in life if he would quit being such a pr##k. He turned his chair over he was so shocked! It worked, though. At least today.

I was so grateful to get home today! I was ready for an easy night with my babies. God laughs.

I was in the kitchen making dinner when I heard a thunk and plastic rustling. I ran to the livingroom & discovered that Ellie had dumped the little trash can in there and was playing with the now empty bag. By the way, it's trash night, so the container was full. Was. One butt smack and a lot of scolding and I had the mess cleaned up.

After dinner Marty says "Mommy, what's wrong with your computer?" So I go to the computer room to figure this out. A few minutes later I smelled something rotten in the state of Ellie's pants.

In the dining room I encounter an empty diaper.

In the livingroom, laying on the couch with one leg hooked over the back and the other dangling off, spread wide in all her naked glory, a pedo's dream, is my butt-nekkid daughter. On the foyer is a pile of crap so large it seems impossible that it came from a human's body, let alone an eight-year-old. I clean it up.

Marty, who loves fruit, discovers the melon cups in the fridge, which he knows I got for him as a treat. He helps himself to the fruit. Shortly thereafter I hear "uh-oh," the clatter of keys, the bathroom door, and pee. Marty comes out, shuts and locks the door, then says "oops."

"Oops what?"

"I forgot I didn't need to pee, well I did need to pee apparently because I just peed, but that's not why I went to the bathroom. I dropped a piece of melon and I was going to rinse it off but I just locked it in the bathroom. Silly me!" He unlocks the door and goes back in. Seconds later he calls out, "I can't find it!"

Okay, this is a small bathroom. Exasperated, I go to help look. THERE IS NO MELON! He said he sat it down to pee, but there is NO MELON! I looked everywhere! Phantom melon.

It's quarter of 11pm and they're both still awake. Lord help me!

ADDENDUM
No sooner than I published the note, Ellie pulled her diaper to the side and peed all over her bed. Gallons. I'm sure of it. I just finished changing the bed and calming the cracking up and excited Marty. It is now 11pm, and they are still awake.

If Wishes Were Fishes...

Lord, I wish You had given me the opportunity to know my daughter. Marty was on a "just like you" kick tonight at bedtime, you know, "my eyes are just like yours," "I believe in magic, just like you," etc. He stumped me when he said, "But who is Sissy like, you or Daddy?"

I quickly recovered and answered, "She's like both of us, just like you."

But would she have been? Would she have my love of myth and magic, or been more concrete like Daddy? Who would she have been? For that matter, who is she? Does she like horses, like I did at her age? Who is locked away in that tower called "Ellie"? And Lord, why didn't You let me know her?

First Family Movie Night

Tonight was the first Brumback Family Movie Night, and I think it was a success! We watched "Krull," ate puffcorn (kernelless popcorn), and ordered pizza. Ellie came in and out, ate with us, and even sat on the couch for a while to watch part of the movie.

Geoff and I have made a list of movies, mostly from the 80s, that we feel helped define and contribute to our lifelong geekiness, things like "Krull," "The Neverending Story," "Labyrinth," all the Star Wars and Star Trek movies, older creature features like "The Blob" and "Them," classics like "War of the Worlds" and "The Time Machine" - I better stop listing, there are 214 movies on the list already! We have some and keep an eye out for the others. (I forgot to list superhero movies and comic book hero movies.)

Last weekend while out to celebrate my birthday Geoff and I decided to make Saturday nights in the Brumback household Family Movie Night. We weren't sure how Ellie would take to it, but she did well. Marty was a total squirrel, but he could use the "sit still and be quiet" lessons for Kindergarten this fall. All in all, I'm pleased!

WHOOO-HOOOO!

Ellie JUST COVERED HERSELF UP WITH A BLANKET!!!!! Eight years! Eight years we've been trying to teach her to cover herself up! Hand-over-hand, demonstration, direction, pictures... I didn't think she'd ever do it! I thought she had some mental block / aversion / something to covering herself up, but SHE JUST DID IT! WOOT!!! Just did it on her own like it was no big deal, and grinned at me, little minx!

Yes, this is my life, people. I literally cheered and jumped off my seat for joy because my eight year old covered herself up with a blanket.

WHOOO-HOOOO!!!!!

New Goal: Journaling

I have been inspired by a friend of mine from work, Kim. You see, Kim's husband has three cancerous tumors in his brain, and the best hope the doctors could offer, with intense treatment, is three to five years. She has started a website at Colespages.com to keep family and friends abreast of her husband's condition. I checked out Cole's story, a day-to-day log of a three-year-old's life, and death, written by his parents. One of his parents wrote something every day, even if it was just a line or two. Cole died unexpectedly just eight weeks after his cancer diagnosis. The journal, his parents have written since, helps keep their memories vibrant and puts dates to his "I love you to the moon and back"s. I said to another coworker, also a friend of Kim's, that I didn't know how she functioned every day with that shadow looming over her life. Our friend said, "Why not? You live with that shadow every day, every time you get behind the wheel, or even breathe. We're all going to die."

Intellectually, I know this, but hearing it caused a visceral reaction. I guess I want a written record of days, too - just in case, just because. So, my goal is to write something every day, even if it's short and sweet.

Like today, Marty cracked me up when he said, "Mommy, I accidentally had an accident, accidentally." Or yesterday when Ellie popped a balloon unexpectedly. She looked at that popped balloon and her lip pooched out and she was just so dang cute I wanted to laugh (but I didn't, I comforted her like a good mommy). It reminded me of when she was wee-bitty and pouted like that, with her little lip out far enough for a bird to perch. Grammy would tell her she'd have to be a lot less cute if she ever wanted to get anything (meaning we'd deny her just to see the cuteness). Lord she was cute last night. I probably shouldn't find my child's broken hearted pout cute, but I do! You would, too, if you saw it.

So, that's that. That's my goal. We'll see if I can meet it.