Holiday Addendum & Clarification

I wanted to be sure and clarify that my griping about the holidays actually pertains mainly to my extended maternal family - not my paternal family or Husband's family.  I was closest to my maternal family growing up, and I guess I feel that they should be the ones who should be most interested/supportive/comfortable with me and my offspring - and they're not.  Well, my aunts and uncles are, my grandparents and great-aunt are, it's my generation, my cousins, who aren't.  I guess that's what hurts the most.  Being an only child, they were the closest things I had to siblings growing up - and I don't mean squat to them now that we're adults.  It just hurts.

Honestly, Husband's family does worlds better than my own when it comes to dealing with Ellie (and me). Tyler is the sweetest, most wonderful kid in the whole world, and he loves Ellie for herself- and she knows it! She loves Tyler, too. Kelly, Judy, Samantha, and Danielle are awesome and don't worry about asking questions, which makes me feel better because then I'm not afraid to talk about it.

There are two of my paternal cousins that I'm closest to, Suzanne and Shane.  Suzanne, of course, knows exactly what I'm going through because her son is also an Autie, and he's a successful young man.  She has been nothing but supportive since Ellie was diagnosed.

And there's Betty, whom I now realize I have wronged in turn, just like my maternal cousins have avoided me.  We used to do things together with our girls whenever we could make time, but we haven't managed that in almost four years now.  On February 11, 2004, Ellie was diagnosed with CP, and the bottom fell out of my world.  On May 17, 2004, my cousin Shane and his wife Betty had, and lost, a beautiful baby boy.  All of us were locked in our own depressions.  By the time I started to come up out of my own pit, I was pregnant with Marty.  I couldn't even bring myself to tell Shane and Betty about my pregnancy, because I didn't want to feel like I was rubbing their noses in it, especially when I had hurt so badly for them and had made a habit of stopping by their boy's marker once a month on my way to work.  I didn't tell them until I "had" to.  Then, I was afraid to tell them after he was born, because I didn't want to hurt them, so I put it off until I "had" to.  Marty will be two years old in February, and they have only seen him twice.  Their daughter, whom we love and is only eight months older than my daughter, has been through some horrible medical issues, but I have not been there for them because I was afraid of hurting them with the son I can hold in my arms, instead of just in my memories.

Just like my cousins have tried to shelter me from the imagined pain of seeing their NT children...

Betty wrote a very heartfelt response to my last post, and it really woke me up.  Thank you for being there, and I'm sorry I haven't been there for you.  If you can stand it, so can I!  We still love you, I'm just an overcautious fool.