Adventures in Autie-land

Okay, I'll explain what's wrong with me. Ellie bit me - a couple of times. I have a nasty bruise on my right forearm to prove it. Yes, I know, Auties bite, but MY Autie doesn't bite! She has never bitten! Now, all of a sudden, she's biting. She bit me Saturday at her cousin's party and lost her loose tooth doing it, and then she bit me again later. She has tried repeatedly to bite my mother since Saturday.

Sunday she bit herself multiple times and still has yellowy-purple tooth-shaped bruises on both of her forearms. She also clawed her own chest until she had blood running down her tummy (another new thing). She bit and clawed herself again tonight because she had to stay home with me and not have a sleep-over at Grandma and Papaw's house.

A couple of years ago she started hitting herself in the head and face when she threw tantrums. About a year ago she added pulling her own hair. In the past couple of months she started ripping out hanks of hair instead of just pulling it.

Add to these self-destructive behaviors (and the biting of me and Grandma) her new favorite drive-Mama-insane occupation: blowing bubbles in the toilets. Yes, the toilets. Yes, blowing bubbles. That means hands and face in the toilet bowl. It makes me want to throw up. A couple of weeks ago Geoff changed the doorknob on the master bath to one we could lock from outside (that was the only place she had offended). After about a week she started toilet-diving in the little bathroom, so Geoff installed another new doorknob Monday morning.

I have spanked that child 'til she riverdanced and she still dives in the toilets! I have talked to her, scolded her, lectured her, screamed at her, given her time-outs, spanked her, grounded her TV - nothing seems to work! I am at a loss. How in the heck can I potty-train her if I can't leave a bathroom unlocked so she can go when she needs to??? How can I potty-train her brother???

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like a miserable excuse for a mother. My child is hurting herself and people she loves, and blowing bubbles in the dang toilet.

So, this, on top of some other stuff (but this is the biggest part), has kind of smooshed me into the ground this week.

That's MISTER Loud!

Tonight Marty was shouting and being overly loud, so I said, "Hey, loud!" Marty, three-year-old smart aleck, came back with, "That's MISTER Loud!"