Cycles of Grief: What Should've Been

So right now I'm having one of those "Cycle of Grief" moments. I was just changing Ellie's TV from the Blues Clues she fell asleep watching to the music of Celtic Woman, which she loves and sleeps comfortably with. She's so beautiful. She's so achingly beautiful. Oh God, what should have been.

That clear, pale, perfect skin; the light dusting of golden freckles just below her eyes; long dark lashes that go on for miles; thick, wavy, naturally highlited hair; full lips and pert little nose; the slightest tilt to her rich blue eyes; all coming together for a Tolkien-eske elfin effect. She would have been such a heartbreaker. She was designed to be Homecoming Queen.

But here we are. My beautiful, damaged princess. It's so not fair! Why my baby? God, I hate this. I hate it so much. I see what could've been, and it hurts so bad. She should've been allowed to reach her potential. She should've had the world. She should've had the option of the world, anyway. She should've had the choices.

Thank God He let me have her and keep her, but I'll never stop praying for Him to fix her.