Marty's Christmas Blessing

Tonight Marty said to me: "Didn't you know you're all I wanted for Christmas? Didn't you know I didn't need any presents, I just wanted you? Didn't you know you're all I need, Mama? Didn't you know I love you?"

Jack-Jack, Redeeming Social Value

Who would've thought the world's worst-tempered conjure would fall in love with a little autistic girl, and vice versa!? Jack-Jack (Poppy's evil, vicious, conjure bird who hates and bites everyone) is in love with Ellie! He was loose in the bathroom (Grammy forgot about him) and Ellie went in. Grammy heard his wicked chuckling sound and (rightfully) panicked and rushed to save her, but she came strutting out of the bathroom grinning, giggling, & wildly excited - with Jack-Jack on her shoulder! Grammy carefully reached out to take him, and he bit her and drew blood! She tried offering a treat, but he bit her again. He rubbed his head on Ellie's cheek and made contented chuckling sounds, and she was thrilled! Grammy got a pillowcase and captured him. Caught in the pillowcase, Jack-Jack became an angry blur of feathered fury. trying to bite through the fabric. Marty yowled, "You can't take my sister's bird! He needs his freedom, don't you know that? You didn't know he needs to be free?" Grammy got the angry pillowcase into the cage and let Jack-Jack work himself out. When we left, Ellie told the nasty little thing, "Bye-bye, Jack-Jack, night-night!" He, who had been trying desperately to get his beak through the bars to bite me, chuckled at her and looked as sweet as honey. He pitched an absolute fit when we went out the door.

The Elders

It never fails to amaze me that an 86, 75, or 70 year old woman can exhaust an active 3 year old when NOTHING else can!

Sweet Boy

I had a terrible day until five minutes ago. Sleepy 3-year-old son mumbles sweetly "I love you, Mama, forever & ever, honest-for-true."

Personal Hose

FYI: An uncircumcised boy can pinch the tip of his foreskin and pee with the force of a garden hose being blocked with a thumb. All over. Overshooting the toilet.

New Definition of Funny

I have a new definition of funny: watching your 3-year-old try to spoon feed your 7-year-old soup.

Superhero of Pee

I am laughing hysterically at my son. While peeing profusely: "I have peeing superpowers! I am the Superhero of Pee!"

Vacation, Day 1

Vacation, Day 1: Dropped Ellie off at school, have Marty at Music and Gym classes. Tomorrow, the Children's Museum, and KING TUT!

Ellie's Gone Batty

I am very amused by the Autie child's sudden and intense attachment to her new pink T-Ball bat. I gave it to her at 3:45, and she's sleeping with it. She hasn't put it down! She wouldn't go to bed and I couldn't figure out why. I finally realized she thought she couldn't take it to bed with her! Marty's had a blue bat for two weeks and she showed no interest, but this is HER bat, and believe me she isn't going to put it down!

Animal Rescuers/Wildlife Warriors, Part III

(This is Part III because Rescue 1 was an Indiana Green Frog two years ago, Rescue 2 was a Tiger Salamander last year, and this is Rescue 3.)

Yesterday morning my Mom calls me and says, "Um, can the kids have a pet turtle?" and I said, "TURTLE?!" My mind was blown. I wanted a pet turtle so bad when I was a kid, but Mom wouldn't hear of it because of salmonella. Now, 30 years later, she's calling to ask if my kids can have one?! She said, "Well, yes, we rescued it. It's smaller than a silver dollar." I told Mom I'd have to research it first.

It turns out that Tiny the Turtle is a Red-Eared Slider, native to Indiana, and that a bird probably picked him up and dropped him in the parking lot where my parents rescued him. By his size - roughly one inch of shell - he's probably a brand-new hatchling. I did my research and discovered that we really needed to release Tiny ASAP, or plan on keeping him for a 40-year lifetime. I didn't want a 40-year responsibility, but once they've been kept captive they can't be released successfully, and even though chances are that Tiny will end up as duck-chow in the wild, it's still a better chance than being kept in a tank for 40 years.

So today Marty and I took Tiny down to the river near where he was rescued. We walked down as close to the water's edge as we could. I scooped Tiny out of the tupperware container he was travelling in and held him out to Marty - he really is a gorgeous little beauty of a turtle. I said, "Say goodbye to Tiny Turtle."

Marty gently took Tiny in his little palm and said so very sweetly, "Goodbye, Tiny Turtle." Then, suddenly and totally unexpectedly, he HURLED Tiny Turtle out into the water with all his 3-year-old might! I'm squeaking in this high-pitched not-quite word. There was a little splash, then nothing. We waited. Nothing. Then, a tiny little turlte head popped out of the water, safe and free! He got a breath and dove. Seconds later he reappeared father out, got a breath, and dove. Success!

And I laughed 'til I cried! "Goodbye, Tiny Turtle." PITCH!

In other news, we have a NEW rescue critter: Shaowie (Marty named her), an abandoned leopard gecko.  Shaowie seems to be a hit all the way around.  Both kids think she's super cool!

Crisis of Faith? Gay Marriage, Christianity, & Me

I have friends who are openly gay - some very close to me and my family. Some are men who like men, some are women who like women, some are men who like men AND women, some are women who like women AND men - but I'm going to lump everything under "gay" for the purpose of this post.

Here's the deal - I have no problem with this. You love who you love. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. If you're gay, your're gay, just like I'm a brunette because I'm a brunette, or like Ellie is Autistic because she's Autistic - it's how we were made. It just IS. You can be gay and struggle to hide it, to fit into outdated "societal norms," just like I could bleach my hair blonde if I didn't want anyone to know I was born this way, but that would be living a lie.

Listen, people - mind your own damn business! Who cares who's screwing who? Geez!

When it comes to the hot topic of gay marriage, despite being a Republican, I've discovered that I really don't care (to fight about it). If two people love each other and want/need to make that public, formal statement, then do so! They should be allowed to do so, regardless of gender/ethnicity/etc.

I needed to make that public, formal statement. Without that marriage license, Geoff and I might not have made it to 10 years. It's a lot easier to walk away from "a relationship" than it is "a marriage," regardless of how many years you've shared.

I wish very strongly that my gay friends (the single ones, not the already-not-quite-legally-married ones) would all find a special person who completes them, who fills that aching need to love and be loved, who is worthy of them, so they could grow old together. I want them to have a lifetime of memories, laughter and heartaches, to share and loook back on - just like we do. I wish that my gay friends who are in committed longterm relationships could sign that marriage certificate and make it legal, recognized, and formal, so there would be no question at the end of their lives as to who would get the kids/house/life insurance/etc. They are as deserving of that security as we are.

I am a Republican in the base foundation of what the party was meant to be - minimal intrusion of government into the private lives of citizens. If two men (or women) love one another, want to have joyful sex, and be married, it's not the government's business - or the business of anyone else! It's their own damn business! This is not political - it's basic. I am a Republican because I don't want the government to be the "ethics police" and poke around in my business, tell me how nice I should be, that I should hire a lesser potential employee over a stronger potential employee just because of skin tone, or tell me to push 1 for English. I want to receive the Social Security I have paid when I retire. Actually, I'd like to have that money in a private trust earning interest rather than handing it to the government so they can put it in an illegal's pocket.

But I digress...

So, here's the issue: I have no problem whatsoever with homosexuality or gay marriage. None. There is absolutely no part of me that has a problem with this. None.

But I'm supposed to be a fundamental Baptist. I'm supposed to have a problem with it. But I don't. Can I be a Christian and have no problem with homosexuality? I'm supposed to believe that the Bible is 100% true and 100% right, and I've finally read the verses saying that men aren't supposed to have sex with men, although David and Johnathan seemed to have an "extra special" relationship:

I Samuel 18:1-3 "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day, and would let him go no more home to his father's house. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul."

I Samuel 20:17 "And Jonathan caused David to swear again, because he loved him: for he loved him as he loved his own soul."

I Samuel 20:42 "And Jonathan said to David, Go in peace, forasmuch as we have sworn both of us in the name of the LORD, saying, The LORD be between me and thee, and between my seed and thy seed for ever. And he arose and departed: and Jonathan went into the city."

II Samuel 1:25-27 "How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! O Jonathan, [thou wast] slain in thine high places. I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. How are the mighty fallen, and the weapons of war perished!"

II Samuel 4:4 "And Jonathan, Saul's son, had a son [that was] lame of [his] feet. He was five years old when the tidings came of Saul and Jonathan out of Jezreel, and his nurse took him up, and fled: and it came to pass, as she made haste to flee, that he fell, and became lame. And his name [was] Mephibosheth."

II Samuel 9:1 "And David said, Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul, that I may shew him kindness for Jonathan's sake?"

II Samuel 9:3-13 "And the king said, [Is] there not yet any of the house of Saul, that I may shew the kindness of God unto him? And Ziba said unto the king, Jonathan hath yet a son, [which is] lame on [his] feet. And the king said unto him, Where [is] he? And Ziba said unto the king, Behold, he [is] in the house of Machir, the son of Ammiel, in Lodebar. Then king David sent, and fetched him out of the house of Machir, the son of Ammiel, from Lodebar. Now when Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, was come unto David, he fell on his face, and did reverence. And David said, Mephibosheth. And he answered, Behold thy servant! And David said unto him, Fear not: for I will surely shew thee kindness for Jonathan thy father's sake, and will restore thee all the land of Saul thy father; and thou shalt eat bread at my table continually. And he bowed himself, and said, What [is] thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I [am]? Then the king called to Ziba, Saul's servant, and said unto him, I have given unto thy master's son all that pertained to Saul and to all his house. Thou therefore, and thy sons, and thy servants, shall till the land for him, and thou shalt bring in [the fruits], that thy master's son may have food to eat: but Mephibosheth thy master's son shall eat bread alway at my table. Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants. Then said Ziba unto the king, According to all that my lord the king hath commanded his servant, so shall thy servant do. As for Mephibosheth, [said the king], he shall eat at my table, as one of the king's sons. And Mephibosheth had a young son, whose name [was] Micha. And all that dwelt in the house of Ziba [were] servants unto Mephibosheth. So Mephibosheth dwelt in Jerusalem: for he did eat continually at the king's table; and was lame on both his feet."

That seems like some powerful love to me. David said that the love he and Jonathan shared surpassed any love from/with a woman. David loved Jonathan so much that he adopted Jonathan's crippled son (who in those days would normally have been left to die or, if they reached adulthood, been homeless beggars because they couldn't contribute physically), elevated him to the status of his own sons, the princes, and gave him an inheritance. Okay, so it doesn't say they had sex, but they had LOVE. They had a relationship - a very close one. Now, why am I supposed to have a problem with this?

Here's the heart of it - how can I be a "good" Christian if I don't have a problem with "forbidden love"? You're not supposed to pick and choose what parts to believe/live by in the Bible. But I want to believe. I HAVE to believe in something.

*SIGH*

Suncatchers

Today I spent two hours watching the kids paint suncatchers as Mother's Day presents for the grandmas and great-grandmas, then another two hours getting the paint off the kids.

Adventures in Autie-land

Okay, I'll explain what's wrong with me. Ellie bit me - a couple of times. I have a nasty bruise on my right forearm to prove it. Yes, I know, Auties bite, but MY Autie doesn't bite! She has never bitten! Now, all of a sudden, she's biting. She bit me Saturday at her cousin's party and lost her loose tooth doing it, and then she bit me again later. She has tried repeatedly to bite my mother since Saturday.

Sunday she bit herself multiple times and still has yellowy-purple tooth-shaped bruises on both of her forearms. She also clawed her own chest until she had blood running down her tummy (another new thing). She bit and clawed herself again tonight because she had to stay home with me and not have a sleep-over at Grandma and Papaw's house.

A couple of years ago she started hitting herself in the head and face when she threw tantrums. About a year ago she added pulling her own hair. In the past couple of months she started ripping out hanks of hair instead of just pulling it.

Add to these self-destructive behaviors (and the biting of me and Grandma) her new favorite drive-Mama-insane occupation: blowing bubbles in the toilets. Yes, the toilets. Yes, blowing bubbles. That means hands and face in the toilet bowl. It makes me want to throw up. A couple of weeks ago Geoff changed the doorknob on the master bath to one we could lock from outside (that was the only place she had offended). After about a week she started toilet-diving in the little bathroom, so Geoff installed another new doorknob Monday morning.

I have spanked that child 'til she riverdanced and she still dives in the toilets! I have talked to her, scolded her, lectured her, screamed at her, given her time-outs, spanked her, grounded her TV - nothing seems to work! I am at a loss. How in the heck can I potty-train her if I can't leave a bathroom unlocked so she can go when she needs to??? How can I potty-train her brother???

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like a miserable excuse for a mother. My child is hurting herself and people she loves, and blowing bubbles in the dang toilet.

So, this, on top of some other stuff (but this is the biggest part), has kind of smooshed me into the ground this week.

That's MISTER Loud!

Tonight Marty was shouting and being overly loud, so I said, "Hey, loud!" Marty, three-year-old smart aleck, came back with, "That's MISTER Loud!"

Cycles of Grief: What Should've Been

So right now I'm having one of those "Cycle of Grief" moments. I was just changing Ellie's TV from the Blues Clues she fell asleep watching to the music of Celtic Woman, which she loves and sleeps comfortably with. She's so beautiful. She's so achingly beautiful. Oh God, what should have been.

That clear, pale, perfect skin; the light dusting of golden freckles just below her eyes; long dark lashes that go on for miles; thick, wavy, naturally highlited hair; full lips and pert little nose; the slightest tilt to her rich blue eyes; all coming together for a Tolkien-eske elfin effect. She would have been such a heartbreaker. She was designed to be Homecoming Queen.

But here we are. My beautiful, damaged princess. It's so not fair! Why my baby? God, I hate this. I hate it so much. I see what could've been, and it hurts so bad. She should've been allowed to reach her potential. She should've had the world. She should've had the option of the world, anyway. She should've had the choices.

Thank God He let me have her and keep her, but I'll never stop praying for Him to fix her.