Broken

Ellie is scheduled for surgery on 5/19/08.  Her Orthopedic Surgeon has to cut the femur in her right leg and turn the bone 90-100 degrees to combat the way her muscles are pulling her bones.  Her bones are growing twisted.  Her right leg is also two centimeters longer than her left leg now.  The surgery will partially correct that, though, because she'll lose about one centimeter to the saw blade.  He's also going to fuse the bones in her left heel into a neutral position because, despite the staples he put in both her heels in August 2006, she is again pronating (walking on the inside, like flat-footed to the nth degree) her left foot (the right one looks perfect).  She'll have to stay in the hospital for a minimum of 3-5 days (I'll be there 24/7, of course).  It will be a long, slow, painful recovery - the doctor is honest with us.

How do you explain to an Autistic child why this has to be?  Will she comprehend why she hurts?  Why Mommy can't make it better?  Why Mommy lets people hurt her?  Why she can't go home?  Why she can't walk anymore?

All I ever seem to do anymore is ask "why" questions.

Nobody ever answers.

I'm going to go cry some more.